Job Hunting

I am about five weeks away from graduating from college and entering the real world dun dun duuun. Dramatic music aside, it is scary! I am searching for a job in the field I have come to love-book publishing-while hoping that I can find one where I can telecommute so I can stay here with my fiancé. What if I don't find a job? A good job that is. I also have to find time to work on my writing. I still hold the dream of publishing my story close to my heart. I will do it. No matter what.

What happens to a dream deferred?

..does it explode?

Ok, being dramatic again. But really, I know I'm probably graduating with a sparkle of idealism, a head full of dreams, and the idea that the world is mine. At least I realize this, even if I'm not willing to let it go. Ask me again in a year.

A Teacher Makes all the Difference

Everyone has teachers they remember, for good or bad reasons. Being home schooled until my junior year of high school, I didn't really have any interaction with teachers beyond my mother. In about Eighth Grade, I started watching taped lessons, but I still could not interact with these teachers. So, it wasn't until my junior year of high school, when I started dual enrollment in the local community college, that I really experienced being in a class and interacting with a teacher.

I'm not complaining about my earlier education. In fact, I believe I benefited greatly from home schooling, and I would not go back and change it. Now that I’m in college, I found some professors that think highly of me, and have high expectations of me. One professor in particular has high expectations for me. I'm amazed at how much more I am willing to work when I care, not just about my grade, but about what the teacher thinks. Since high school, with a few exceptions, I’ve been able to get good grades by not putting forth too much effort. Just by having a professor that believes in me, I’m pushing myself 3x as hard when I don’t have to. I've raised my stress level 10x, but at the same time, I'm happy to work harder. I'm afraid of failing, and in this case, failing would be not living up to the high expectations that are placed on me.

I'm pushing myself. I’m growing. I'm working at least 3x harder than I am for my other classes, and though I'm stressed, I'm learning 3x more. Everyone should have a professor that inspires her to work this hard at some point during the college, or high school, career. I almost don’t want to graduate in May.

Summer Dreams

At this point in my life, I’m finding myself struggling between what I want to do and what I think I “should” do. I’m nineteen and already a junior in college. Next spring I will (hopefully) graduate and be thrust (willing or not) into the working world. I have decided that it would be prudent to attempt to acquire an internship this summer. The experience would certainly be valuable and it would probably aide me in finding a job post-graduation. That is what I should do, however, I would much rather take my savings and take a trip to Europe. I want to see and do so many things and I’m becoming more and more concerned that I’m going to graduate, get a job, and get on with my life without accomplishing any of my dreams. I’m young - shouldn’t I have some adventures before I’m bound by work and family?

Ok, I take that back… partly. I’m looking forward to my life post-grad. I hope to eventually write what I want, and eventually have a family. It’s not a terrible thing to want to do some things first though…

So many people I know have already been to Europe, once or twice even! I want to see Paris, and London. I want to drive through the English countryside. I want to see Roman ruins in France. I want to step inside a castle. I want to set foot on Normandy beach and imagine the horror that happened there. I wouldn’t mind experiencing living in an urban environment, but I doubt I ever will. I want to see plays, musicals, and concerts. But. I’m faced with the hard reality that all those things cost money that I don’t have. Money must be earned this summer.

But that’s life, whether I’d like to accept it or not. I’m sure I’ll have the opportunity to do some of those things eventually, I just wish I could do them sooner rather than later.